Blind

I have spent two days sitting in the hospital with my sister, trying to help take care of her, wanting her to feel cared for. While I was sitting there watching my family function around me, something hit me that I had not really seen before. I had seen it but could not exactly name it. It was like God put a spotlight on this particular thing for me to see.

My family sucks at taking care of people. Oh, physically you will be cared for. I never needed any thing that I didn't get. But emotionally, they excel at not caring for you. I have never quite seen this so clearly until this week. They are so good at manipulating the focus off of the person who is needing help and getting it onto themselves. I believe they don't even know they are doing it. I also believe they do it so they don't have to look at the emotional mess that might come out if anyone really cared for someone else. I have never seen so many people in one room walking around an elephant and stepping in its manure and yet never say the word elephant.

My sister is in the hospital recovering from surgery and my dad doesn't know what to do with himself. I think he really wants to help but is just clueless. So he acts like a big tough guy whose gonna kick the butt of any nurse who doesn't come running when his daughter needs something. He himself would not notice the fact that she needs a drink of water and cannot quite reach it but he will bluster and blow a lot of air around the room about how tough he is. That is what I mean about drawing attention to himself and away from her. My mom does it too. Today my sister took off her bandages from a double mastectomy and I called to see how she was. I was thinking that this could be really hard on her. I think that would be the moment I would dread the most, seeing the scars and no breasts anymore. My mom is there helping her take off the bandages and my mom is the one who is saying I am scared and I don't know if I can handle what I will see. So my sister has to be strong and not be upset, so my mom can handle this. It is all so backwards and pathetic.

I am sure I do this too. How could I not? I grew up with this crazy group of people. My cousin had a hysterectomy this week and her mom is caring for her and doing the same thing too. Maybe that is why God showed me this. I sure don't want to treat people this way. Lord show me areas that I am blind to.