Daddy

I walked into church yesterday with a crummy attitude about being there. It has felt that way a lot lately. I had to force myself into the Sunday school room. We have been visiting a new class so it is still awkward. However, the teacher is a great speaker and very interesting. Last week it felt like he was just stating fact after fact, just info- nothing for my heart. So this week I was expecting more of the same especially when the subject was the genealogy of Christ -a long list of names. However, God touched my heart in such a specific way with the lesson on genealogy that it blew me away. It should not surprise me when He does but yesterday it did.

After all the events of the last few weeks, I was feeling pretty upset about my own genealogy. We talked in class about how your family effects you, how you were raised and where you were raised. But ultimately God is still in control and can use any person despite their history. An example is the women listed in Christ's genealogy who were known for sexual sins. Then we talked about Joseph and how the scripture lists him as the man who was assumed to be Jesus's father. Men assumed he was the father but he was really Jesus's step father, so to speak. Joseph was on earth His father but was not His real Father. Then the teacher said the thing that got me. The day I believed in Jesus, my genealogy changed forever. God became my father, my perfect father. He always loves me and loves me well. And I was crying because that reached way down deep. I have longed my whole life for that kind of relationship and I think part of why I was depressed was this weekend I realized that I will never get what I want from my dad. I know he loves me but he doesn't do it well. Every time I see him, I get my hopes up again only to have them dashed. It is kind of like Joseph. My dad is kind of my step dad - just a fill in on earth.

I have the perfect Father. God has been parenting me lately and I just figured it out. He has been showing kind words to say and how to love people well. He gives me gifts exactly when I need them - gifts like this class in church. He was showing me things were missing this week while I was at the hospital and showing me how to do things better. I feel like I can stop being so hard on my dad and try to love him well. I just need to stop looking to him for my example. And stop beating myself up because I can never do enough to make him happy. I have the perfect example in God, but I must remember that when I am around my family. I must remember to listen to His words, His truths about who I am.