Chains

I think I spend a lot of my time dragging around chains. Pretty heavy ones too. Sometimes I let them go or perhaps I give it to God. Maybe Satan deceives me into thinking they are not as heavy most days. This week they reappeared, dragging me down into a black hole.

I have been thinking about why some days the chains feel like they weigh a ton. I was wondering if perhaps, Satan slowly puts a little bit of the chain on your neck where it is almost imperceivable, even comfortable. Then slowly, slowly he releases more and more of the weight until that opportune moment when something painful happens and then he drops the whole weight and I suddenly fell the impact of it all. Oh no, here I am again. I spend a few hours or days trying to wiggle out of the imprisoning weight but to no avail. Then slowly, it begins to fade, and I feel relief from the pull of the chains, and eventually I go back to my blissful ignorance. Then the cycle starts all over again.

A few months ago, the most amazing thing happened. For about a week, I felt so free and joyous. No chains, no baggage. It was amazing. It was the strangest experience and I cannot explain why it happened other than God. I was playful, singing, joking for a whole week. Just joy. That is not something I experience much and certainly not for that long. It was such a gift.

Towards the end of it, I could literally feel it leaving. That may sound crazy but it is true. It was like a window slowly closing in front of me and blocking a view I wanted to watch for longer. The weight was back, my companion but not my friend.