Head knowledge but not in the heart

John 5:39 "You diligently study the scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life."

Jesus said this to the the jews who were critical of him healing a man on the Sabbath. But recently, He said it to me. There have been times in my life when I searched the Bible for knowledge because it was all new to me. I went to classes on all sorts of subjects because I was hungry for God and thought this was the way to find Him. But I missed it. Now the pendulum has swung too far the other way and I have a hard time sitting through a factual sermon that does not feel like it applies to me. Where is Jesus in all of this?

Right now it feels like He is sitting patiently under a tree, waiting for me to get it. Sometimes I look at my kids and enjoy their striving to figure things out.... from something simple like tying shoes to the more complex like relationships with friends and spouses. Just the fact that I was able to put God and patient in the same sentence is progress I suppose. I feel like I have to earn His pleasure so much of the time and usually it is unearnable. ( Is that a word?) I wish I could accept His tender mercy more often.