Resistance

I have not bloggged in quite a while. I am fighting with myself over expressing my words. So I usually give up. I even posted one day and a few minutes later I took it down. I'm not exactly sure why it feels so hard right now. I am fighting through some resistance on something else I want to do with a small amount of success.

The post I took down had to do with a dream I had. On November 20th, I dreamed that I saw Jesus standing in front of me. He is holding an infant in His arms. It is my baby. And I walk up to Him and say, " Give me back my baby!" - Not in the kind of voice you would expect to use when talking to Jesus, not yelling but demanding. I don't remember anything else about the dream but that part was very clear.

The next day, November 21, my daughter is having a cat scan on her head. Late that afternoon, I am in HEB buying groceries. My son in law calls and tells me that the cat scan showed something. They are going for an MRI right then. Something is wrong. Terror and fear attack me in the store. I am crying and trying to get out of the store but I need the groceries. So I manage to get into the line and while I am waiting to check out, I remember the dream. Clear as a bell, it is there. Me telling Jesus to give my baby back. Not asking him to hold her. Not enjoying her together. What does this mean? Maybe it is random thoughts running through my brain but I don't think so. The timing is too significant.

I now know she has a brain tumor. And I am trying to rest in the fact that she is in His arms. She always has been and always will be.