Something happened yesterday, something rather innocent. I told my husband something I was thinking about doing, wanting to do. It is something that is really impossible but I still think it would be great. He did not listen and I went nuts. I was hurt and angry and stormed downstairs to close up the house for the night. As I did, I saw things that were undone all over the house. Food left out, trash that needed to go out... Things that somebody "forgot". So I started doing it and getting madder. The voices in my head said "This is all you are good for," This is your job" "This is what a mom does" ....etc. My machine mode kicked in so fast it surprised me.
Lately I have been thinking about how mind numbingly boring being a housewife can be. It doesn't require much thought to do laundry, or cooking. I don't dislike doing those things. OK I HATE grocery shopping but I don't hate taking care of the house. I certainly enjoy taking care of my family. But there is this problem with my brain. It is screaming for more. It has been 26 years since it has been challenged and it is bored. Why did God give me a brain that likes to think and stretch just to fold towels for the rest of my life? Can I be a good mom and wife and do something else too?
I have thought about college. I fear I would fail due to brain atrophy. I don't know what to study. I didn't know in 1980 and I do not know now. I do know myself better now, so that is helpful. Also I don't have the money. Can I flip burgers again at 47? That sounds embarrassing but I might just do it. I mean that is what college students do, right? Get some crappy job to pay for school.
I am praying that God will show me a direction.
PS- I have a great husband who does not generally ignore me. I should not talk about important things when he is staring at a gun website! Lol!
1 comment:
Don't worry about not knowing how to study, really. Every class, every professor is so different. The people who say "this is the right way to study" are wrong. :-p
You're very smart - you'll figure it out just fine. You'll love school. :-)
As for a job, go for it. I wouldn't do hamburgers, but something low key that you like at least a little. Like a store you like to shop in, or a bookstore (oohhh!), or a coffee shop. Or a non-profit (working at HSLDA/HSF was very low key) Restaurants are the WORST. The best would be a place you could learn something too like how to make really good coffee or how to put together a professional home/outfit for someone with completely different tastes.
Just some random thoughts - love you!
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