Goodbye

My family doesn't do goodbyes well. That hit home last week as we took Holly to the airport for a trip out of the country. We were clowning around with the big group she was with and then she just disappeared. I thought she was in the bathroom but finally I saw her going through security, too far away to say goodbye to. I couldn't even yell it. I was crushed. It was so disappointing. I'm not blaming her because I know she was excited to go.

I asked my oldest son what he thought about this dynamic of our family and he agreed. Just the night before, he said goodbye to Holly very briefly and jokingly. He knew he may not see her again for a long time because he is moving. He said it was awkward and it is just easier to avoid. He also said something that has really been bouncing around in my head. "If you don't feel the sorrow of someone leaving, then can you truly enjoy the joy at their return." Good question. I think Shakespeare said, "Parting is such sweet sorrow". In my brain, sweet and sorrow should not be side by side.

We will get the chance to walk through this awkward situation on both ends in the next few weeks. Holly will come home soon. Joy. My son and his wife will be leaving for grad school. Realistically, they might not ever live here again. Joy for the opportunity he is getting but sorrow for their absence. My oldest daughter and grandson are coming to visit right in the middle of both of these events. And then they will go home. We are anticipating a celebration of seeing them for 2 weeks but then comes the sorrow again. It hurts to even think about this.

I wish I knew how to walk through this well. But I am afraid that I don't, so I fear it will be awkward still. I am tired of feeling awkward.