weary

Today I am weary. Last night as I was driving home from CBC, I could feel it coming. Not just your regular tiredness. More than that. Drained, physically and emotionally. By the time I got home I was feeling sick and could barely make it up the stairs. I went straight to bed.

I am tired of being pushed and stretched. Tired of growth and change and pain. Struggling to show up but wanting to check out. Our group last night was a struggle for me. Good things were going on but I was at war in my mind. Whatever I did was never enough. Somebody always wants more and I don't have it right now. I feel like an old poster with a cat hanging onto a tree limb by it's claws. It said something like "Hang on Baby cause Friday's coming!" I feel like quitting . I feel like Jacob at the end of a long night of wrestling with God. Exhausted.