We are joining the church this weekend after 23 years years of attending there. No great spiritual reason, sorry. Mike has been asked to be on a committee and you have to be a member, so we are finally going to do it. The problem is that we had been thinking about leaving the church for over a year. I do not currently like my church. I wonder what it would be like to get excited about going to church. Right now I have to make myself go, every Sunday. And sometimes I lose that argument.
There are several reasons I don't like it right now. Mostly the worship service is torture. Boring and dry. Maybe it is just me being boring and dry. The youth department was a great reason to stay and now they got rid of the high school guy we loved. The new junior high guy is something to hope for. If he could minister to my kids I would be happy to sit through torture on Sundays.
What should church feel like? Or is feel the right word? Should I base this on feelings? It should feel like home and safe and friendly. Not critical or rejecting. Yesterday, it was rejecting. Long story but someone called from the church to tell me some of my kids were not welcome in a certain spot this week. I was so angry I could hardly speak. I hung up and cried, wondering how do I tell them without crushing them. Just that morning, one child had told me how a younger child told them that he was grateful for how my child loved God and showed it to him. He was pretty excited by that. And then he gets kicked out for being who he is. Just as God created him to be. Thankfully Mike was here to do the deed and he was amazing. I asked some friends to pray and they prayed for Mike to have the words. That prayer was answered. He could sell ice to an Eskimo. The kids were not hurt just a little confused. Now only I am hurt and I want to rip someone's face off.
Now on Sunday I have to go make nice in front of some elders and say all the right answers like a nice Christian wife. Gag! I hope they don't ask about how I fell about the church.
2 comments:
we're at both ends of the spectrum because i haven't been going to church very long at all, but i also wonder those same questions you asked. what is this whole "church family" idea about and how come i'm often not getting that vibe?? i have no clue to be honest, but i wonder if we force ourselves a lot of times because we really do have a want for more than just the whole going-through-the-motions crap that seems to do nothing but strengthen our resistance towards showing up there in the first place.
i can't understand why a part of the church was so rejecting or why you've been made to feel pressure to "say all the right answers like a nice Christian wife." yuck.. that makes me mad too.
how brave of you to risk asking such honest questions like these, and how cool that while you were hurt in this situation you received love and support in the form of prayer as well!
feeling your pain
loving your questions
encouraged by your honesty and integrity to name what's true for you
hoping for more for you and me and others
Post a Comment