One thing I would like to ask God is - what do my dreams mean? I have thought this many times. Waking up and wondering why I would dream such a thing. I hope His answer will be - "Oh you ate too many jalapenos that night." Because otherwise, I have a twisted mind or subconscious. I have dreamed some bizarre things. Horrible things. One of my pregnancies I dreamed repeatedly about ghosts chasing me and I would wake up screaming. My husband did not get much sleep that pregnancy.
..............I am standing in the kitchen at the sink, peeling a peach. I can feel its softness and smell its ripeness. The back door is open and it is a nice night. Suddenly someone grabs me. Why don't I protect myself? I am frozen in fear. He is hurting me. I know him. He is a man from church. I bite him and I can taste his blood. Suddenly, there is a baby crawling through the room. His name is Carson and I must protect him. I take him back to another room. And then it continues...
I woke up terrified. I know the man from the dream. I don't know him well but he is a real person I know from church. Nice guy from all appearances so why would I dream this about him. This dream was so vivid. I woke up unsure where I was and my heart was pounding. And I was trying to figure out why.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Alone
sometimes I battle alone
usually I go alone
do I push you away?
am I that hard?
do I deserve your back?
not your face
I need you
need your help
but instead I get left
to go it alone
I feel your absence
we all do
I need your presence
in this
with me
for me
come fight with me
usually I go alone
do I push you away?
am I that hard?
do I deserve your back?
not your face
I need you
need your help
but instead I get left
to go it alone
I feel your absence
we all do
I need your presence
in this
with me
for me
come fight with me
Monday, November 17, 2008
When they put in an adult day care, will you come see me?
I am losing my mind. Seriously, 46 seems a little young to be having senior moments. I was telling my sister about doing some forgetfull things recently. We just had a good laugh. She is 50. The day we moved I got up early to go get donuts to feed the wonderful people who were coming to help us. As I was driving, I noticed that I could not see real well. I wear contacts and one eye is for distance and one is for close up. I ignored the problem and worked all day until we finally got our bed set up. I went to take out my contacts and the left one was not there. I have never done this and I have worn contacts since I was 15. I just blew it off as being busy moving and thinking about too many things that day. 2 weeks later I did the same thing. And once again, it took me all day to figure it out.
Well yesterday, I had another "episode". I wore by bra wrong side out all day. As I was getting undressed last night, something was wrong. I could not get out of my bra. I have no idea how I got in it without noticing that I was doing it backwards.
So if you happen to see me dressed inappropriately or stumbling around like a blind woman, don't worry. Just help a sister out.
Well yesterday, I had another "episode". I wore by bra wrong side out all day. As I was getting undressed last night, something was wrong. I could not get out of my bra. I have no idea how I got in it without noticing that I was doing it backwards.
So if you happen to see me dressed inappropriately or stumbling around like a blind woman, don't worry. Just help a sister out.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Fruitful
The strangest thing happened tonight at Grace Group. For the first time in the 21 weeks that I have led a group, I came home content with the way group went. No self condemnation. I did not beat myself up for saying something or not saying something. I was not critical of anything. It felt great. My word at the end to describe the way I felt was fruitful. It felt like God had given me the right questions to ask. What an amazing night it was. I felt like the group is making progress. I know that is God's doing and I do not feel prideful about it but still it felt great to be led by Him and watch Him work. And I let that be enough!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Flatlander
I was listening to a song about being born on the prairie.. Dry land cotton farmers, like my Pa was, watch the sky and pray for rain.
Pray for no twisters. It describes tornadoes as being like a whiplash and rolling like God's tumbleweeds. It calls them Panhandle Dancers. I love the imagery. I grew up in the Panhandle. I guess I have dust devils in my heart. This music stirred me in a surprising way. I was thinking about how as we occasionally travel back there, I love the view. Most people think it is flat and ugly, but it holds a place in my heart. It will always feel like home.
I remember as a kid driving through miles and miles of cotton fields with their long green rows. As a child I imagined they were the legs of giants running along the side of the car. As a mom, I was delighted when one of my kids said they looked like grass rainbows. Perhaps they have a little dust devil in their hearts too.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Thoughts on the election from someone way more articulate than I am
My advice to all Republicans: For the next 11 weeks, enjoy the fact that this nation has elected its first Black President. It is not the culmination of the promise of America, but it is visual, immediate evidence of the inherent goodness, freedom, and promise of America. It may be symbolic, but symbolism is important in its own right.Take heart. Barack Obama did not get to the office because affirmative action mandated it, because he was entitled to it by any means, or because he was Black. The race vote was a contributor just like many things, but it was not the reason he won. I'm sorry, but no matter how much Black turnout there is, Democrats won't win Mississippi. This election was about more than people voting on race. It was the clear choice of the American people. Will I seek to persuade the public? Will I seek to change hearts and minds? Of course I will. I am a Republican. But shall I resist and fight the decision of the ballot? That is silliness, smallness, and futility.
Obama won it because he's good. He's smooth. And he knows how to play off his strengths and take advantage of the moment. He knows that the country does not like Bush right now. Obama is not Bush, and he rode that mantra of "Change" to the White House. That's a good politician. And as somebody who takes an interest in the acquisition of power, I have to appreciate the brilliance of it all. Barack has good qualities. You can' become President of the United States if you don't. So, bravo, Barack, bravo! Republicans may be tempted to angrily point out that the election was based on ambiguous "Change" and lacked any concrete ideals. But why do you get mad at the world for being the way it has always been? The public has always been swayed by attractive politicians, widespread amorphous promises, great communicators, various cults of popularity, and sweet sounding rhetoric. That will not change. My advice to future Republican politicians: become persuasive, become good looking, put honey on your lips, and use these tools for good ends. You may be a well intentioned politician and correct in your conservative policies, but a foolish-looking well-intentioned politician still looks like a fool.
Now, about John McCain's campaign. John McCain deserves the respect of the entire country. He is a man of respect, grace, honor, and service. His concession speech showed that he is a true gentleman, who does not give in to the cheering temptation of reveling in the vanity of the public's fickle friendship. That is the kind of politician we have been missing for so long. He is one who is concerned about service and good policy over power and public opinion. He is one who has a genuine respect for his colleagues, an ear open to thoughtful criticism, review, and reform. This respect is what feeds McCain's talk of reasonable compromise, and conservatives should not fear that kind of talk. It holds tight to fundamental truths and compromises on the details of opinion. It has guided America through centuries of good government, and it has been lacking as of late.And for Republicans: You should appreciate John McCain's contributions to the Republican party. John McCain's popular vote totals are around 47% to Barack Obama's 53% right now. George H. W. Bush took in 38% with his loss in 1992, and Bob Dole gained around 41% in 1996. Neither of these men had near the challenges of John McCain in this election. The 47% that John McCain gained is not enough for a win, but it is enough for legitimacy. And legitimacy is something Republicans have almost lost in the past four years. If Republicans lost legitimacy, we could expect something similar to the FDR Democratic takeover and control of government. It could have lasted 20 years. In the past, sometimes they've lasted longer. But since Republicans have maintained their legitimacy, if we only prune off the corruption and bad policy that has plagued us over the last 4 years, Republicans could be back on their feet in four to six years. That's amazing, and you can thank John McCain for that.
And specifically to Social Conservatives: You were some of John McCain's most vocal critics, but he has become one of your greatest benefactors. The standard bearer of centrist Republican policy in Congress reached out and saw the legitimacy of your views and your importance within the party. He stayed pro-life and kept it a cornerstone of the Party. He reinvented and unified the party with the pick of Sarah Palin, adding a fresh face and a rising social conservative to the short list of Republicans who have a future in politics. You can thank John McCain for that. Social conservatives will look back in ten years and realize that John McCain was always their best friend. It's a shame they noticed this all too late.
To Christian Evangelicals: Are you frightened of an Obama Presidency? Do you think it foretells of a country lost and of hardship for the church? If so, let me ask: Why do you see your Christianity so tied to political gains? What limits the Church to a socially conservative Republican President? Is your faith really that small? Christians lived under Nero, they lived under the inquisition, they have resisted the Islamic advances, and Communism's aggressive, authoritarian, and murderous Atheism. We have been killed, burned, enslaved, and martyred. But Christ died, he rose again, he lives, he is immune to death, and he will come again. And you are afraid of Barack Obama? Oh, ye cowards of little faith. Gather your tools and join the harvest. The work is plenty and the laborers are few. Don't let the weather of politics delay your task.
And about John McCain in general. If you watched his Concession speech and placed it within the context of his political life, you will see that McCain was one of the last true gentlemen, one of a dying breed of real statesmen, and a man dedicated to the service of his country. He was polite and gracious, giving credit and congratulations to Obama for the virtues that he holds. His duty was to bring closure at the end of a long hard fight and to begin again the work of serving the country he has always loved. We need more men like him in our government. John McCain is my political hero, and I hope he is not forgotten.McCain's concession gave way to Obama's more enthusiastic Acceptance Speech. There was little talk of specific policies, and a great deal of celebration about the greatness of America: the power to rise to the occasion, the power to continually change for the better, and the uniqueness and hope that this country has always offered to the world. Sure I disagree with the policies and philosophy of Barack Obama. But I love what his election represents. It represents the openness and freedom that this country created and cherishes. It's symbolism, but I like it. I like it a lot. I like how Obama's election is the result of the promise, greatness, and goodness of America.So yes, for 11 weeks, I will enjoy the fact that America has elected its first Black President. I will enjoy it until January 20th, 2009. At that point, I will actually have to deal with an Obama administration. Policies will come forth. Ideas, ideals, values, and voices will clash, and the game will begin again. I will continue to fight the good fight, acting on my conscience's demands. That starts on January 20th, 2009, but between now and then, I'm going to admire the greatness of my country.
-J. Caleb Jones
Obama won it because he's good. He's smooth. And he knows how to play off his strengths and take advantage of the moment. He knows that the country does not like Bush right now. Obama is not Bush, and he rode that mantra of "Change" to the White House. That's a good politician. And as somebody who takes an interest in the acquisition of power, I have to appreciate the brilliance of it all. Barack has good qualities. You can' become President of the United States if you don't. So, bravo, Barack, bravo! Republicans may be tempted to angrily point out that the election was based on ambiguous "Change" and lacked any concrete ideals. But why do you get mad at the world for being the way it has always been? The public has always been swayed by attractive politicians, widespread amorphous promises, great communicators, various cults of popularity, and sweet sounding rhetoric. That will not change. My advice to future Republican politicians: become persuasive, become good looking, put honey on your lips, and use these tools for good ends. You may be a well intentioned politician and correct in your conservative policies, but a foolish-looking well-intentioned politician still looks like a fool.
Now, about John McCain's campaign. John McCain deserves the respect of the entire country. He is a man of respect, grace, honor, and service. His concession speech showed that he is a true gentleman, who does not give in to the cheering temptation of reveling in the vanity of the public's fickle friendship. That is the kind of politician we have been missing for so long. He is one who is concerned about service and good policy over power and public opinion. He is one who has a genuine respect for his colleagues, an ear open to thoughtful criticism, review, and reform. This respect is what feeds McCain's talk of reasonable compromise, and conservatives should not fear that kind of talk. It holds tight to fundamental truths and compromises on the details of opinion. It has guided America through centuries of good government, and it has been lacking as of late.And for Republicans: You should appreciate John McCain's contributions to the Republican party. John McCain's popular vote totals are around 47% to Barack Obama's 53% right now. George H. W. Bush took in 38% with his loss in 1992, and Bob Dole gained around 41% in 1996. Neither of these men had near the challenges of John McCain in this election. The 47% that John McCain gained is not enough for a win, but it is enough for legitimacy. And legitimacy is something Republicans have almost lost in the past four years. If Republicans lost legitimacy, we could expect something similar to the FDR Democratic takeover and control of government. It could have lasted 20 years. In the past, sometimes they've lasted longer. But since Republicans have maintained their legitimacy, if we only prune off the corruption and bad policy that has plagued us over the last 4 years, Republicans could be back on their feet in four to six years. That's amazing, and you can thank John McCain for that.
And specifically to Social Conservatives: You were some of John McCain's most vocal critics, but he has become one of your greatest benefactors. The standard bearer of centrist Republican policy in Congress reached out and saw the legitimacy of your views and your importance within the party. He stayed pro-life and kept it a cornerstone of the Party. He reinvented and unified the party with the pick of Sarah Palin, adding a fresh face and a rising social conservative to the short list of Republicans who have a future in politics. You can thank John McCain for that. Social conservatives will look back in ten years and realize that John McCain was always their best friend. It's a shame they noticed this all too late.
To Christian Evangelicals: Are you frightened of an Obama Presidency? Do you think it foretells of a country lost and of hardship for the church? If so, let me ask: Why do you see your Christianity so tied to political gains? What limits the Church to a socially conservative Republican President? Is your faith really that small? Christians lived under Nero, they lived under the inquisition, they have resisted the Islamic advances, and Communism's aggressive, authoritarian, and murderous Atheism. We have been killed, burned, enslaved, and martyred. But Christ died, he rose again, he lives, he is immune to death, and he will come again. And you are afraid of Barack Obama? Oh, ye cowards of little faith. Gather your tools and join the harvest. The work is plenty and the laborers are few. Don't let the weather of politics delay your task.
And about John McCain in general. If you watched his Concession speech and placed it within the context of his political life, you will see that McCain was one of the last true gentlemen, one of a dying breed of real statesmen, and a man dedicated to the service of his country. He was polite and gracious, giving credit and congratulations to Obama for the virtues that he holds. His duty was to bring closure at the end of a long hard fight and to begin again the work of serving the country he has always loved. We need more men like him in our government. John McCain is my political hero, and I hope he is not forgotten.McCain's concession gave way to Obama's more enthusiastic Acceptance Speech. There was little talk of specific policies, and a great deal of celebration about the greatness of America: the power to rise to the occasion, the power to continually change for the better, and the uniqueness and hope that this country has always offered to the world. Sure I disagree with the policies and philosophy of Barack Obama. But I love what his election represents. It represents the openness and freedom that this country created and cherishes. It's symbolism, but I like it. I like it a lot. I like how Obama's election is the result of the promise, greatness, and goodness of America.So yes, for 11 weeks, I will enjoy the fact that America has elected its first Black President. I will enjoy it until January 20th, 2009. At that point, I will actually have to deal with an Obama administration. Policies will come forth. Ideas, ideals, values, and voices will clash, and the game will begin again. I will continue to fight the good fight, acting on my conscience's demands. That starts on January 20th, 2009, but between now and then, I'm going to admire the greatness of my country.
-J. Caleb Jones
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