Home

In 3 weeks, we will be moving into this house. Something I have wanted for a long time. It is hard to wait when we are so ready to go. I'm a doer- I don't sit and wait well. In the time we have to wait, we have been over there several times, to look at this or measure that. And it struck me that this is possibly the blandest house ever. Beige carpet, walls, brick and white trim on the outside. Except for the trees - they are awesome to a girl from Lubbock. The kitchen is a good size but pretty ugly. It is kind of sad to think about someone living in such a boring house. So I got to thinking about painting and hardwood floors and I decided this house needs us. It needs a new family to add life and noise and laughter and color. And that makes me happy. I can see the kids sliding down the stairs and crashing at the bottom. I can see them playing soccer with the dog. They are planning on painting their rooms and putting up posters of the things they love. Mike will be in the shop making new cabinets and loving it and I will be reading or cooking a ribeye on the grill. I am not moving into someone else's house. I am moving into a house that needs some help and that feels like a good thing for us.

An Introduction

This is my sister, Lea Ann and her adorable granddaughter Lyza. Her daughter is Lorin. They are the three L's. Earlier this year she and I spent 3 days together going to see my grandmother who was ill. After that trip, I realized that I don't know when or if I have ever spent that much time alone with her. We had a great time and talked about everything under the sun. It was great to connect with her in a way that had never happened before. She is a strong person, a great mom, and a good friend. She also still likes to sleep right under me just like when we were kids which is very annoying, but that is beside the point.

2 weeks ago, she went for a biopsy and I went to sit and wait at the hospital. I just couldn't stay away. The doctors said it was looking all clear but he was wrong. She has breast cancer. Those last four words feel huge, like I should be screaming them instead of calmly typing away.

So many feelings have come to me since her diagnosis. Fear for her, fear for me, anger, sorrow.... I cannot imagine what she feels. We have laughed and cried together. I almost got in the car yesterday and drove to Temple just because I wanted to look at her again. Buy her dinner or something to make her feel better or maybe to make me feel better.

My parents have responded so badly to this, so selfishly that I wonder what planet they came from. We laughed the other day that we are alien spawn. She is facing a double mastectomy and all they seem to care about is how it might mess up their vacation, a month long cruise. Honestly they should just go and let the rest of the family help. But I think they will stay and whine about the sacrifices they make. And then I may remove their heads.

The good news is that she caught it early and she will not have to do radiation or chemo. She has a 99% chance of survival. Still I am having a hard time thinking and doing normal things like laundry and cleaning toilets right now. It is so hard trying to be normal when my sister has cancer.

Oldness

This is Nate. I am his grandma. He makes me old I guess. My friend Nancy gave me an old lady gift bag the other day. It included a large print word search book, a large print calculator, a night light, bunion cushions, an ID card (in case I cannot remember who I am), and a travel pack full of plastic rain bonnets. Now all I need is Geritol and depends!

25th Anniversary Part 3

It seems like I should write something profound about our anniversary. I have been thinking about this for 2 weeks. First of all, the photos are hilarious. Jared looks more like the man I married than Mike does. I'm not even talking about how different I look. If I could look like that again but have my 46 year old brain and heart, that would be great. Maybe with less hair!

I have been pondering the biblical metaphor on marriage. How a marriage is a picture of a believers relationship with Jesus. I understand some of it but some of it is beyond me. I believe that most people deep inside want to be married and that points to our God given desire to be in a deep relationship with him. But why is it so hard. It feels so elusive some days. Marriage is also great some days and I wouldn't want to not be married but it is so hard sometimes. It feels like the intimacy we want doesn't exist. We try and try and it evades us. And then, it sneaks up and surprises me with its presence. Overwhelming, encouraging, making me long for more.

On our recent anniversary trip, we experienced both sides of this phenomena. Sweet minutes of great laughter and friendship but also tears and frustration. I don't like the down side but it seems to be part of the deal. So I will take it. I wouldn't want to miss out on the tastes of Eden we sometimes experience together. I love you Mike.

25th Anniversary Part 2

Brad Paisley, The Maines Brothers and a 25th anniversary

I drove to Temple last week and spent about 4 hours alone in the car. Right before I left, I found 2 cds that I had lost. They were my Maines Brothers cds. I was excited. In the 80's, in Lubbock, the Maines Brothers were the best. Many nights were spent dancing at Coldwater to their band. They were brothers and cousins. Their dads and uncles had a band a generation earlier. The next generation finally made it big. Natalie Maines is one of the Dixie Chicks. I like country music but I don't listen to it much anymore. However I do like Brad Paisley. It dawned on me as I was driving that he reminds me of the Maines Brothers. Their music is great to dance to and such fun, showing such humor. The Maines Brothers have a song called "Ain't Nobody Lonely" that reminds me of how my life felt before I met Mike. It talks about a girl walking around town looking for someone who might be as lonely as she is. 26 years ago, at the ripe old age of 20, I had given up on "falling in love". That seems so silly. I was so young but that is how it felt. That song sums up those feelings of thinking that guy must be out there somewhere, but where.

The lyrics that follow are from a Brad Paisley song that does the same thing. The first time I heard it, I thought it was about us. It is "All Because 2 People Fell in Love". The world changed when we met and was impacted by our actions. If you don't know, I met Mike in a restaurant. I was his waitress. At one point while we were dating, I even worked at a place called 14th Street Bar and Grill.


I recall a young man who was drifting aimlessly
And a young waitress who seemed lonesome as can be
In a little cafe right off 14th avenue
With a whole lot of help from up above
We met and things sure turned around for me and you
And all because two people fell in love



Yea there ain't nothing not affected
When two hearts get connected
All that is will be or ever was
Every single choice we make
Every breath we get to take
Is all because two people fell in love


So this one is for you, Mike. I will gladly take another 25 years, cause you sure turned my world around.

Finally, a happy post.

My last few posts have been seriously depressing so I thought I would lighten it up a bit. This weekend we went on our annual summer trip to Leakey with about 100 friends. This year for me was really special for a lot of reasons. One of which was in this photo. This trip almost always happens on our anniversary. We have been going since 1993. Somebody decided to decorate our car to celebrate our 25th. About 1:30 in the morning, as I was going to bed, I saw the car. It just made my day. There were balloons and cans tied to the back. It also said "Sugar Daddy " on Mike's side and "Hot Mama" on mine. I'm not sure why exactly but I started laughing hysterically all alone in the dark. Maybe it was sleep deprivation but it was fun.

I got to watch a great baseball game with all of my family in it. I got to enjoy the nice river. I got to play a few games and catch up with some friends I don't see much. One of the highlights of the trip every summer is the baptism on Sunday morning. All of our kids were baptized in the Frio. This year 3 kids were baptized. One of them was Ethan whose birth was one of those miracles I will always remember. Long story but we prayed for his parents to be able to have another baby and when they surprised us all with the good news it was such a joyous moment. Such a God thing. Watching him be baptized and listening to him sweet voice tell his testimony was awesome.

Another highlight was great conversations. We had a crazy day trying to get ready on Friday. Several things happened that day that I felt were spiritual attacks. But finally, I decided that I was going to trust God and not get all freaked out. I was wishing to talk with someone about all this and asked God to give me the chance and He did. My friend Susan listened and encouraged me so much. If you are reading this, thanks Susan.

One more conversation happened that was unusual for me. Someone sought me out to encourage him. That doesn't happen much but it was great. And I think I did encourage him. As he was taking I was praying for God to tell me what to say.

One more highlight. Mike told me that something I said to him was like a drink of refreshing water. Way too often, my words are bitter water to him so that was really a sweet moment.

Many times I know I have missed the opportunity to enjoy this trip by getting all wrapped up in a knot over what to pack or what to eat. I am exhausted before we get there and I miss all the fun. I'm glad that I did not miss it this time.

As we were leaving, Cody asked me if I was really a "hot mama". I told him of course and he looked at me like a was crazy!